Home sweet home
Jun. 22nd, 2012 06:55 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
obscuritanAfter 12 (count 'em) 12 weeks of holdups I'm finally in a place of my own at last. This is a break, need I remind you, that was meant to last a fortnight. I've had summer holidays at highschool that were shorter. Apparently the main cause of all this bullshit was not -as I had suspected- the fact that my parents were living abroad, but the woman who owned the flat before us. I don't know most of the technical stuff on how she f'd up, but here's one demonstrative example - she wanted to finish the sale of the flat and then give her tenants their four-week notice to move out. I don't think I need to tell you what's wrong with that plan.
So here I am, and it turns out the flat's not so bad - sure it's mildewy in places and it needed a good clean (and still needs a bit of decoration) but it's a roof over my head. Mum in particular seemed concerned that I wasn't being very OMG!excited what's to say? It's circumstance; not something I'm choosing to do but that is required. Besides, I'd rather have gone with a flat and grown to love it over time than go for a flat I fell in love with then be disappointed. And I am indeed growing to like this place. The kitchen and living room are nice and big, the bedroom won't be sportsfield green forever and I have a whole room now to work on my paintings. Yesterday and today I even got my broadband, phoneline and TiVO-equivalent BT package up and running. All I need now are hot water (a guy is coming "at some point") and a washing machine (scarelyquinn has generously offered to help me out with that) and I'll be set.
There is something however which, though it's a fantastic windfall, I'm uncomfortable about accepting (even though anyone else would consider me certifiable for not accepting with open arms).Basically as I might have mentioned before my folks have got this idea into their heads that they should give me as much of their money as possible before they die, out of some fear that the government will take it all off me in inheritance taxes and them also wanting to get me off benefits as soon as possible. So they're setting me up with what is essentially a trust fund without the name. I will be doing the job they currently have their lawyer do - keep an eye on their two houses, receive and process their mail and calls and act as their representative here in the UK while they work abroad. For £1000 a month (just over $1500). Even I think that's stupidly high (and I'll be the one getting it!) but apparently that's as much as they can give me without forcing me into student loan payments, so that's apparently what they wanna do.
There are two problems with this, both of which make me feel both remarkably selfish and immature for worrying about and convinced that I would be selfish and immature for ignoring and accepting the offer. First off, I. Don't. Like. Being. A. Sponge.* No matter how much I needed it, the very principle of being on Jobseekers and then Incapacity benefit has made my skin crawl. Not because I disagree with those institutions, mind you, but because I felt like a failure for having had to use them, which is dumb because not only do I not judge other people for having to use them but I was using them for precisely the reason they're meant to be used.
*"I'll take 'Things Spongebob has said in Therapy' for 200, Alex."
Secondly there's the matter of getting off benefits, and as selfish as this sounds, once I'm off them I will no longer be recognized by the government as someone who has a legitimate problem (IE my mental health issues). And I do have problems, one which I'm not sure I will be protected for once I'm not listed as someone who has them. I've already lost one job opportunity already because I had to tell them I was on antidepressants (although it was a shitty job I would have gone postal at within 2 months anyway), and I've been afraid that, as someone with depression, I'm not "disabled enough" to deserve any (there's a depressive's thought process if ever I've thought one). I feel like there should be some sort of big list somewhere where you let the government know you have a mental health problem "just in case".
FFS self. The more things change, eh?
So here I am, and it turns out the flat's not so bad - sure it's mildewy in places and it needed a good clean (and still needs a bit of decoration) but it's a roof over my head. Mum in particular seemed concerned that I wasn't being very OMG!excited what's to say? It's circumstance; not something I'm choosing to do but that is required. Besides, I'd rather have gone with a flat and grown to love it over time than go for a flat I fell in love with then be disappointed. And I am indeed growing to like this place. The kitchen and living room are nice and big, the bedroom won't be sportsfield green forever and I have a whole room now to work on my paintings. Yesterday and today I even got my broadband, phoneline and TiVO-equivalent BT package up and running. All I need now are hot water (a guy is coming "at some point") and a washing machine (
scarelyquinn has generously offered to help me out with that) and I'll be set.There is something however which, though it's a fantastic windfall, I'm uncomfortable about accepting (even though anyone else would consider me certifiable for not accepting with open arms).Basically as I might have mentioned before my folks have got this idea into their heads that they should give me as much of their money as possible before they die, out of some fear that the government will take it all off me in inheritance taxes and them also wanting to get me off benefits as soon as possible. So they're setting me up with what is essentially a trust fund without the name. I will be doing the job they currently have their lawyer do - keep an eye on their two houses, receive and process their mail and calls and act as their representative here in the UK while they work abroad. For £1000 a month (just over $1500). Even I think that's stupidly high (and I'll be the one getting it!) but apparently that's as much as they can give me without forcing me into student loan payments, so that's apparently what they wanna do.
There are two problems with this, both of which make me feel both remarkably selfish and immature for worrying about and convinced that I would be selfish and immature for ignoring and accepting the offer. First off, I. Don't. Like. Being. A. Sponge.* No matter how much I needed it, the very principle of being on Jobseekers and then Incapacity benefit has made my skin crawl. Not because I disagree with those institutions, mind you, but because I felt like a failure for having had to use them, which is dumb because not only do I not judge other people for having to use them but I was using them for precisely the reason they're meant to be used.
*"I'll take 'Things Spongebob has said in Therapy' for 200, Alex."
Secondly there's the matter of getting off benefits, and as selfish as this sounds, once I'm off them I will no longer be recognized by the government as someone who has a legitimate problem (IE my mental health issues). And I do have problems, one which I'm not sure I will be protected for once I'm not listed as someone who has them. I've already lost one job opportunity already because I had to tell them I was on antidepressants (although it was a shitty job I would have gone postal at within 2 months anyway), and I've been afraid that, as someone with depression, I'm not "disabled enough" to deserve any (there's a depressive's thought process if ever I've thought one). I feel like there should be some sort of big list somewhere where you let the government know you have a mental health problem "just in case".
FFS self. The more things change, eh?
no subject
Date: 2012-06-28 05:29 pm (UTC)